It's Official...I made it!

You guys, I Graduated!

I could not be more excited! Thinking about never having homework, or tests, or sitting in long lectures, ever again is heaven. I don't even know what to do with myself. It still doesn't feel real. Part of that reasoning is because I don't get to walk for graduation until the Spring. UVU really dropped the ball on that one. It's really lame that they don't do both a spring and a winter graduation ceremony. It just doesn't make sense, and it's unfair to winter graduates. Whatever, I'm over it, I'll walk in the Spring (still not really over it haha). I have been in College ever since I graduated high school in 2009 so it's pretty surreal that I'm actually  done. I have had the best of years and the worst of years during my college lifetime, and it is so weird to think about how far I have come. I am going to reminisce about my college days so prepare for one of longest posts you will probably ever see from me. 

 My very first year of College was my biggest challenge. I decided to take a partial scholarship to Idaho State University and play soccer as a College Athlete. I was so excited to start this new and scary adventure. I was nervous that I made the wrong decision, as I had other and even better offers. For whatever reason, this felt like it was going to be the perfect fit. Shortly before I was preparing to go to college I found out that the assistant coach who had recruited me was leaving to be the head coach for another school. I was totally bummed, he was really awesome and I felt more comfortable going to Idaho State with him being there. This was a game changer. A few other incidences happened that made me not so happy to go. I was already off to a rough start. A really rough start. I got injured. We were running the mile for the very first practice to see if we prepared hard enough in the off season to run the mile in 6.5 minutes. I felt way nervous and under prepared because of all the nerves I was experiencing. As I was coming around the bend after the first lap, my knee gave out. I felt excruciating pain. I tried my hardest to finish out strong. I only finished the mile in a little over 7 minutes. That was an embarassing first impression. I had always been one of the most in shape players on all my soccer teams, so it was hard to be one of the last to finish. I was mortified! Especially as an incoming freshman, this was a bad sign for me. I took a trip to the athletic trainer and he could not seem to find anything wrong. He couldn't seem to find anything wrong, ever! I suffered throughout the whole season with a bad knee and I kept getting told that they couldn't find anything wrong. I felt awful. Both the team doctor and the team trainer were basically telling me I was being a baby. I knew that people on the team were judging me and thought I was faking. The honest truth is that I knew my body and I knew that something was seriously wrong. I struggled to prove myself throughout the season and I rarely got any playing time on the field. I was crushed. I went to every practice and conditioned as hard as I could and I still couldn't keep up. After every practice and every game I had physical therapy and extra training to try and fix the pain in my knee. I did cycling to help me condition without so much knee pain. I lifted weights to try and strengthen my muscles to maybe see if that would help. Day in and day out I was with the trainer doing extra work to make me feel normal again. Nothing worked. After the soccer season was over, I was completely unsatisfied with my college experience as an athlete. I decided I really needed to get a second opinion from another doctor about my knee problems. My mom took me to a doctor in Utah and I recieved an MRI. The doctor heard my story and after seeing the results he was a little upset. He told me that I had a torn patella tendon and a partially torn meniscus. I was also experiencing pain because two bones in my knee were basically rubbing on each other. I was angry. My mom was even more angry. He said that according to my injury he could tell that if the doctor or trainer would have treated my injury as a real injury from the very beginning, I could have avoided most of the damage that was now done. He told me that I was young enough that I had the option to let my knee offically heal on it's own or I could choose to have surgery. Nobody wants to go through surgery so of course I chose the latter. Might have been a bad idea because I still have lots of knee problems today.. being an athlete my entire life, doing absolutely nothing but walking and swimming was out of the question. I definitely didn't let my knee heal properly but that is beside the point.We really should've done something about it and complained to the school, but we were so fed up, we didn't even want to deal with it. I decided to tell the coaches that I would not be coming back the next semester. It was a relief but at the same time I cried... HARD. I knew I was going to miss soccer SO MUCH. It was my entire life, for years and years and now it was about to all go away. Nonetheless, I needed to heal and I needed to move on to the next, shiny new chapter.  Inside and Outside of the Soccer world at ISU, I made some incredible friends and have so many memories. School was hard. Being an athlete and taking 18 credits was the hardest thing I have ever done. I missed so much school because of travel and it really hurt my grades in most of my hard classes. I definitely got a taste of what College life was all about, and high school did not prepare me one. little. ounce.

Snow College. Best. Decision. I. Ever. Made. After the experience I had at ISU, I decided I would go to a small town (smaller town haha) school and just enjoy the college life. I was a little nervous because I was going alone, on a whim, without any plans. I knew a couple people that were there already and both my sisters went to Snow College and they loved it, so I decided to give it a try. I reached out to a long lost friend and she just so happened to have a roommate that was leaving the next semester. I was able to jump in and be the next roommate. It was kind of hard being there the second semester because all of the girls already became best friends. I shared a room with the misfit roommate. She was a treat.... I won't go into detail about her, I don't think it's possible for me to forget her and all of the days being her roommate. Despite feeling a little left out of the group, I had a blast! I was enjoying all my days and Snow College and I never once regretted making the change. I still really missed soccer but I was able to play on some intermural teams. I met a lot of new friends and of course, many boys. I had so much fun dating and playing with all kinds of new friends. Snow College is one of a kind. The classrooms are small, most everybody knows everybody, and school dances and activities were the place to be! Being in a small town like Ephraim was so fun. Because it was so small, you had to find your fun. There was a lot of exploring, cave running, bonfiring, hot tubbing, swimming, and graveyard spooking. I can honestly say some of my favorite years of life, happened at Snow College. There was so much love, friendship and heartbreak throughout those years, but I wouldn't have it any other way! I really grew up a lot during that year and a half  of school. It molded me a lot and it made me the person I am today. Gosh, I miss it. Can I rewind time and go back? I have made the best forever friends because of my time at Snow College. I would encourage every person to go there for their associates degree. It's cheap and it's the funnest place you'll ever go! I PROMISE!

After graduating Snow College I had to move back home... Boooo! *thumbs down*

Now this was the year that definitely took me through a loop. I had to learn so much in those years. I wrote a little bit about that in my Confessions of a Married Woman post, so I won't go into that part. Basically I really learned how to love myself instead of having someone else love me. I had to really figure out what I was going to do with my life. I was going to Weber State and I really missed the 'college life' atmosphere. My classes were really hard and I didn't really have anyone to help me study or anybody to hang out with. Life was a little bit boring. I struggled in some of my classes because I was not used to being in classes with over 200 people. (Snow college really had me loving the student to teacher ratio.) Thankfully during this time in my college life, I happened to meet my husband. Marriage eventually was my destiny and my college life changed instantly.

Utah Valley University: Brandon was going to UVU when we first met and I never actually thought that I would have to be a student there one day. Well, we got married and that meant that I had to sacrifice for him. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I did, but oh so sad at the same time. During my whole college life I wanted to be a Radiology Tech. I loved everything about it. It was the perfect fit for me...until I couldn't do it anymore. It just wasn't going to work. The only program that I could apply for was at Weber State, but I had to live in American Fork. Needless to say, I found myself in the counselors office at UVU. I sat down and my counselor asked me what I was going to major in and I was answerless. I had no idea. I gave her my transcripts and said, "Something health related." That was all I had. She rattled of the very few options (few is the exact word, there were only three options). I was stumped. I didn't know which one I wanted. I picked the one that made me the closest to graduating. I decided to become a Community Heatlh Major. I really didn't know what I could do with this career choice but I did hear her say that this is the path that gave me the most options, so I went with it. I am now officially a Community Health Education graduate. Guess what... I still don't know what I am going to do with it! But I am trying to figure that out. I really hope to find something that I love and am passionate about and I am confident that I will. I just know it will take some time and I am okay with that. Everyday I still wish I was a Radiology graduate instead, but I am beyond happy for the accomplishments that I made. I always tell myself that maybe I can go back someday and do exactly what I wished I could do. It was a rough road during my college life with many UPs and many DOWNs but I wouldn't have it any other way. My favorite memories are forever engrained in my heart and mind, and I will never forget them. I am grateful for the important life events that lead me to where I am today. I am grateful for every struggle, for every fight, for every love, for every crush, for every laugh, for every smile, and for every friendship that I had on this incredible journy, and I will never forget how those things made me feel. 

It's official...I made it!!

When Christmas Comes to Town

Nothing makes a house feel more like home than Christmas. 

 Now excuse me, I'm just going to sit here at stare for the rest of December. 

(HELP: Need More Ornaments...and Presents)

Oh, Zoey is pretty fond of it too.

A Day of Thanks

Thanksgiving

One of my favorite holidays!

Not only is it a time for me to stuff my face with amazing food, it is a time with family. I am really glad that I got to see both my family (well, some of them. I missed the rest of you!) and Brandon's this year. It really makes it tough on the stomach though. Eating Thanksgiving lunch and dinner is really hard! I just eat a little less and make it work! ;) But really, the best part is reflecting on the things that I am most thankful for. Especially the things that I normally complain about! I am so blessed to have the life I do and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The trials that my little family has been through, and still are going through, are molding us into a better versions of ourselves. Without trials there is lack of progression. So yes, I am even saying I am thankful for my trials. I am so happy I have an amazing husband to go through it all with. I hope that we all can take time each day to reflect on all the good we have in our lives. Sometimes we tend to get selfish and think our lives are "the worst". In reality, any of you reading this right now has a better life than more people than you can imagine! So on this day of thanks I challenge all of you to write down all the the things in your life that you are blessed with! I bet you can't do it ;) Hands get tired. 

Count your blessings! & I hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving!

XOXO, the Cissna's

Soup, Soup, Soup

I finally used my Christmas present that I received two Christmas' ago, and it did not disappoint! I love this thing and I plan to use it way more often. Thanks for the awesome gift, momma :)

Tonight I made some delicious soup. I have an obsession with soup so of course I love when it is cold enough outside to not feel guilty eating it all the time. Brandon and I both love this recipe a lot so I thought it was worth a share on the blog. It makes enough that we will be eating it for days. So maybe share with a friend or five :)

Chili's {CopyCat}

Chicken Enchilada Soup

Ingredients

• 3 large chicken breasts, boneless skinless
• 3 Qt. (3, 32 oz boxes) chicken stock
• 10 oz enchilada sauce (I used mild)
• 3 cups shredded cheese (I used colby jack)
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 Tbls vegetable oil ( I used E.V.O.O.)
• 2 Cups maseca or masa haring (I got maseca in the hispanic food isle at Fresh Market)
• 1 Tbls chili powder
• 1 Tbls cumin
• Salt and Pepper to taste

Garnish

• Sour cream, pico de gallo, extra shredded cheese, cilantro, tortillas (we used tortilla chips) and lime

Instructions

1. Season chicken on both sides with salt and pepper. Heat the oil in a stock pot over medium high heat and sear the chicken on both sides. Set aside, it does not have to be cooked all the way through.
2. Add garlic to the pot and let sauté until aromatic (about 15-20 seconds). Add in 2 quarts of the chicken stock and put the chicken back in the pot. Cover and let simmer for about 30 minutes or until the chicken is cooked all the way through. Take the chicken out of the pot.
3. Mix the Maseca (a little at a time) with the remaining quart of chicken stock then add to the pot. Include the rest of the ingredients excluding the chicken and the garnishes. 
4. Slice the chicken and add to the pot. Bring to a simmer and let cook for about 30 minutes or until thickened. Stir occasionally to make sure the bottom doesn't burn (make sure to scrape the bottom of the pan). 
5. Serve with garnishes and enjoy!

If you try it, I sure hope you like it!

I also whipped up some homemade Pico de Gallo. It was also mighty delicious :) This one is easy. Just chop yellow onion, Roma tomatoes, Jalapeño (no seeds), cilantro, salt,  and lime juice. Perfecto!

Xoxo, the Cissna's

Birthday Lovin'

24

It is so weird to get old.

I know 24 is not that old in the grand scheme of things, but it sure feels old. I can't believe I am creeping up on my mid 20's (I guess technically I am already in them now, but shhh). Where does time go?? But you know, I am proud of where I am at. I know that the years to come will be just as challenging, daunting, scary, amazing, and adventurous as ever. I wouldn't change my life for anything!

This year was really laid back and I loved it. We went on with our normal busy lives but I was still a little spoiled ;) Brandon got me some new ankle boots from TOMS that I have had my eye on for some time now, and some nice make-up from Sephora. My family (both sides) spoiled me with gifts, cards, money, and love. It was amazing! The night of my birthday we went to the Warren Miller Film. It was really fun and we will be glad to take some time to go snowboarding this winter with those free lift tickets. I haven't been on the mountain for a long time and I can't wait to gear up and go! After the movie we were both super tired (we are old now remember) but I really wanted to do something fun. We decided to go home, grab the dog, and go to the park. We played on the jungle gym, slid down the slides, and flew as high as we could on the swings. It was invigorating and perfect. We took a million cheesy pictures and none of them really worked out because it was pitch black outside so the strategy of a flashlight and a camera was hard haha. But it was still great and I loved it. The most amazing gift, that was so much appreciated, was a surprise the night after my birthday. If you know Brandon, he is the worst at surprises. He kind of hates that about himself. Mostly it's just funny how bad he is and I love him for it. But every once in awhile he fools me. {He took me to a spa for a Massage}. It was glorious! I have been so beyond stressed with my last semester of school and going back and forth between there and work has made me not so fun to be with most of the time. Being a full time student and working full time is hard as a lot of you know. I am tired and grumpy most days (working in an accounting department is part of the blame). He knows that I definitely needed to take some 'me time' and just relax. I have always been afraid of the thought of getting a massage from a stranger. I am soooo ticklish and I was nervous that I would not be able to relax. Well, the guy was awesome (and not creepy at all! Thank the heavens) and he basically said over and over that I need to take more time to relax in my life (I am okay with that!). He said that I was very much needing this massage. And I think he was very, very right. Brandon said when I walked out of the room I looked like I was high as a kite. Haha apparently the massage was that great. I really appreciate Brandon for that sweet surprise. I hope I get more of those surprises in my life ;). My husband is a rock star. Oh, and of course we used my free birthday meal to Tucano's on Halloween night. We stuffed our faces until our belly's bulged. It was sad to not dress up on Halloween and not go to any parties and to not see the family, but working late happens all the time now sadly. It was so great to eat a late night meal together and to sleep fat and happy. 

Brandon's face in this one kills me!

If the restaurant has toothpicks, there is always one in Brandon's mouth

I know this post was random and all over the place, but really that is how our lives are structured right now, so it fits perfect. I am so beyond blessed with the best and I love you all!!

I think year 24 is going to be amazing! So many good things to come!

XOXO, the Cissna's

Fall is my favorite

Words cannot express my love for fall. It is truly my favorite time of year!

1. Crisp cool air

2. Cardigans, sweaters, hoodies

3. Scarves, beanies, boots

4. Hot Cocoa

5. Halloween

6. October Birthday Month (woot woot!)

7. Beautiful Hikes

8. Leaves, leaves, leaves

9. Utah (rocks October's like no other!)

10. Pumpkins

11. Fireplace Fires

12. Soups and Chili

13. Corn Mazes

14. Pumpkin Patches

15. Gardner Village

16. College Football

17. Family Parties

18. General Conference

19. Pumpkin flavored everything!

20. Homemade bread

21. Snuggling
22. Decorating
23. Crafting

24. etc..., etc..., etc...

Really, I could go on and on! (List is not in any particular order, I LOVE them all!)

I just wish it could be Fall all year long!

We went on the quickest hike of our lives earlier this week, but I still captured some pretty things. I don't know what I would do without the mountains. They will keep me here forever. 

This picture looks totally fake. That is real my friends. So pretty!

XOXO, the Cissna's

What we have been up to

Wow, it has been a really long time since I have written a blog post. I really wish I had more time to write and document our lives. Quite frankly our lives are so busy right now that we have to force ourselves to spend time together and have fun things to write about. Which is absolutely 100% needed! We have been completely consumed with work and school these last couple months and it probably won't get any better until I finally graduate in December! (Yeah that is still the best thing in the world to say). I cannot wait to feel like I can breathe again. My schedule is crazy to say the least. I am up by five AM and off to work in South Jordan and then I am back and forth between there and school in Orem and I don't get back home until 11:30 PM. Which leaves me very little time in the wee hours of night to get as much homework and studying done until I fade off to sleep and wake up and start all over again. I even have to work Saturdays most of the time, so my life is packed and maybe you can see why I cannot wait until my last semester is over! But I am sure we all have our struggles and you don't care too much to hear about mine. Maybe I can look back at this point in my life and laugh, because maybe I will wish that I could go back to this stress instead of what I am going through in the future. For now, this is all I know and I don't like it one bit! But amidst all of this craziness I have been so lucky to take some much needed time away from school and work and hang out with my hunk of a husband. He really is my rock. He keeps me sane (as much as he can at least) on most days. I just have to remind myself that the most important thing in life is my family. It isn't always about getting straight A's or making sure I get all of my hours in at work. It is so important to take time to relax and enjoy some much needed family time. So here are some pictures that I gathered from my phone that have captured some of our fun times this past month. 

Playing with Zoey in the yard is always fun for us. This pup really loves to play fetch and she is so dang cute while doing it. 

Brandon and I always look forward the the family golf days. Even though he is stuck with me being on his team every time we still have a blast! I always love getting together with the Jensen's for some fun family competition. 

General Conference is always amazing. I absolutely love sitting in my pajamas, with no makeup, messy hair, all with the one that I love, listening to the words spoken pour out from heaven. We are so beyond blessed to have modern day revelation and to have the restored gospel in our lives. I don't know where I would be without the knowledge that I have. I am so thankful for my testimony and for the testimony of those around me. I am grateful for a living prophet to guide us in these dark days. It is so great to have a network of people who believe and support the same things we do. We are so lucky. Life on Sunday is forever my favorite. (eek! I have wrinkles! I am getting old!)

I got to take my companies Jazz tickets for a fun night out. It was on a school night, but I didn't care. I really needed a break from everything, so it was a definite "yes!" when I was asked if I wanted to take the tickets. We ate some yummy street tacos and watched the Jazz play the Trail Blazers for the third year in a row (I think we definitely need to go to a different game someday). I enjoyed a night out on the town with the husband, that is for sure!

Girls day. So much fun! I am so glad when I get a chance to hang out with my mom and my sisters. We went to Gardner Village to shop and eat yummy food. Doesn't get much better than that. My only wish is that we had more time in the day and that we could get together more. Living so far away kills me. I miss my family time a lot and I can't wait till we are at a point in our lives where we can make it happen much more often. LOVE YOU ALL!

For my companies holiday party this year, we went to see 'The Maze Runner'. It was a pretty good movie but of course the free movie, free popcorn, and free drinks made it that much better!

 Right after the movie we went to see REAL play. It was a really good game and we had a great time.  It is awesome to have a husband who now shares a love for soccer like I do! I am grateful for the fun things we have been able to do together and I can't wait until we can do so much more. 

Seriously, this guy is my favorite. I am so grateful for all he does to make me happy. Life is so much more enjoyable when he is around. 

.................................

Xoxo, the Cissna's

Confessions of a Married Woman

Girls… have no fear, Amber is here. Okay really that’s a joke. I am no expert on the subject I am choosing to write about. I just had some thoughts run through my mind as I was attending a couple wedding events this weekend. I reminisced about my whole marriage experience. And thought this might comfort some of the thoughts of marriage that you might have (or it will make it worse haha). This is way out of my comfort zone to write about this on this family blog of mine, and it is way out of the norm, but I thought I would maybe share anyways. 

This is the story of Amber Cissna. Here it goes…. 

MARRIAGE

Oh boy, my heart skipped a beat. A scary beat. Not a beautiful, fluttering, butterfly feeling, but a big fat nervous one. Okay, I am married already so maybe I am not so scared to talk about marriage anymore, but I used to be, so here it is. The first and most important step to becoming my married self, was to learn to love myself. Now ladies, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO. Learn to love yourself FIRST. It is hard for me to admit this… I was so dependent on having a boy love/like me at all times. I needed to feel wanted and loved by someone else and when I didn’t have that, I felt lost. The summer after I graduated Snow College was the hardest for me. I moved back home with my parents (I love them to death but man it is hard to go back after being on your own for so long). I was no longer surrounded by a bunch of friends, I wasn’t attending fun college events, I wasn’t meeting new people and flirting all the time. I was stuck. No boyfriend. No friends all the time. Just me, myself, and I. This turned into the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I had a lot of time to contemplate on who I was as a person. I learned to love myself more than anyone. I learned to be okay with my own body and my own personality (but seriously this is a never ending process). It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of time on my knees praying for comfort and support. But guess what, I learned the only love I needed was from me. During this time of self-rejuvenation, I began to plan my life. Now that is where I went wrong. You cannot plan your own life. Nope. No such thing.

 My life was planned. I was going to serve an LDS mission. I knew who I was going to date when I got home. I had my husband candidates picked out. I worked out how my life would be with each of them and thought that no matter what I would live a happy life. Weird right? I knew my life would work out with any of these candidates and I would be happy. Now this is a hard pill to swallow. You can love more than one person (Brandon hates to hear me say it, but he knows that I am not discrediting the immense love that I have for him). I’ll say it again… You can love more than one person. Life is a B-word right? How in the heck am I going to find “the one”, when there is more than one, “the one” in this world??? So confusing right? 

This is my story: 

 One night, after telling one my girl friends that things did not work out with my return missionary and that I was ready for someone to set me up on a date, I got a random call around 10:00 PM. I was in bed, ready to sleep, and now I had a strange boy calling me. He was nervous. He could also tell I was a little weirded out by this situation. He quickly found out that I had no idea he was calling me and he was embarrassed because he thought for sure I was told my number was given to him. I told him it was fine and I would be happy to talk for a second (really I ran as fast as I could to go and find my laptop, so as soon as he told me his name I could instantly stalk him on Facebook. He was pretty cute so I didn’t mind). He ended up asking me out and we went on a blind date. I had a blast. I was shy and I didn’t talk too much but I still had fun. I thought, “Yeah, we could be really good friends” (because my life was planned remember?). On our second date I told Brandon that I was planning to serve a mission. You should have seen his face! I have never seen someone look so disappointed. No joke, he asked if he could call his friend and tell him what I just said. He definitely called him, right in front of me (side note: the two previous girls Brandon was dating pretty seriously broke up with him to go on missions. His poor heart couldn’t handle it). I didn’t care. I wanted it known that I was in preparation for that step of my life from the get go. We continued to date and I was okay with it. My plans weren’t to date anyone in particular anyways because I was leaving eventually. I was okay with someone taking me on dates, and making me feel loved throughout the mission preparation, so I didn’t stop him. He began to heavily hint that he didn’t want me to date anyone else (I only went out with another boy one time during this time), and I told him I was okay with that. But, I never would say the same back to him. I always told him, “You can do whatever you want”, or “Do whatever your heart desires”. He hated that with a passion. He wanted my commitment and I wasn’t going to give it to him. He wasn’t part of my plan. Brandon fought so hard for me. Because guess what? HE HAD A LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT MOMENT. What?? Those exist?! I am sooooo beyond flattered that my husband wanted me for eternity from DAY ONE, people! But in my mind, that really didn’t exist. 

 As our relationship grew I still never had the thought cross my mind that I would marry this amazing man. One weekend, as I traveled to stay in Provo to be with him, I knew it was time to tell him that he needed to start dating other girls. It had to happen! I needed to start getting more serious with my life’s plan and start my mission papers. The time came for us to have this conversation. He started. The words out of his mouth were “I think I need to start dating other girls.” SCORE! Right? He made it easier. That is what I was just going to say anyways! WRONG. Oh. So. Wrong. What in the heck was happening to me?? My world was spinning. Nothing was making sense in my brain. The only thing that would come out of my face was tears. Lots and lots of tears. Like, the ugly cry. Snot running down my face and everything. Brandon was confused. He had no idea what to do. He kept apologizing and saying he didn’t mean it. He kept saying over and over again that he really wanted me and only me. But those words were not helping, at all! I was so lost in my own brain that I didn’t even know what to do. After a long cry session I began to try and work things out. I wondered why in the heck my reaction was the way it was. Us ending our exclusiveness was supposed to happen. THAT WAS THE PLAN. So guess what happened? I decided I needed to give him a fair chance. We were now officially exclusive. How in the world did that just happen? I still don’t know, but it did. 

 My original plans were still constantly in the back of my mind. I still thought that a mission was supposed to be my path. I still secretly would read Preach my Gospel and still find feelings of comfort in planning for a mission. Everyone around me seemed to know that I was going to marry Brandon, everyone but me. My heart was still pulling in other directions. I really loved Brandon so much. He was my best friend. He made me laugh harder than anyone else. He would do ANYTHING for me. He wanted me and only me. He would take care of me. He would make my life full of love and happiness. We could survive marriage. We would make the cutest babies. We would be so, so blessed and beyond happy. BUT WHERE IN THE HECK IS MY “AH HAH” MOMENT!? Never had one. Not once. Now some people have these. Some couples know that they are meant for each other and only each other and that is great, but it didn’t happen that way for me. I was terrified! Brandon and I would talk about marriage and it was exciting. I was way more nervous than excited. I was still confused the whole entire time. I began to let it sink in. I tried to make it my NEW plan. A very different, unexpected, revised plan. The time came to pick out rings. How in the world did I get to a place where I was picking out wedding rings with a random stranger that had no business butting into my plans? I have no idea. But I kept letting happen. Eventually we were engaged. I was so beyond happy. I was so excited. But still so nervous. Why wouldn’t my dang nerves just go away? I should have no doubts and no reason to be nervous about getting married. It’s only eternity right? Did I really pick the right man? Was I rushing into something? Was I letting my plans turn me down the wrong path? Was I giving myself the best option to be the happiest I could be? Okay, now I was freaking out. 

 Brandon was selling alarm systems for a good chunk of our engagement. He was gone while I was left home to make all the hard and stressful decisions. Somehow the thoughts of calling off everything kept creeping into my mind. I kept thinking that it wasn’t right. I kept thinking about how many friendships I would lose if I were to call it off. Now these thoughts should have been a big red flag right? I thought so, but it still didn’t feel right to call off the wedding. I was marrying my best friend. So the bad thoughts had to go away. I really started to force myself to think of only the happiness we would have together (I think it was definitely been part of Satan’s plan to put those doubtful thoughts I was having into my mind). I forced myself to stop going down the other paths to happiness that I created in my mind. It started to not matter to me, knowing that my life could work out with someone else. I started to make Brandon my life. He was the one that I was planning on being with for eternity. He is the one that mattered. He is part of this plan at this moment. I chose to take this path. I chose to take this new path to happiness. I knew I would still be so happy marrying Brandon. I knew that our lives would be successful and bright. I knew that this plan was still a good plan. And I still think it is was a good plan.

 I learned so much during that year of my life before marriage. I learned that marriage is terrifying. I learned that it is not as magical as people make it seem. My love story was bumpy and all over the place. It was not butterflies and rainbows. It was pure turmoil. I did not have an “ah hah” moment. I did not get a definite answer that “he is the one and only one”. I learned that there are multiple paths in life. I learned that there is not only one true path to happiness. There might be few different paths to happiness and I chose the one that was right in front of me. Don’t spend too much time trying to find those screaming feelings of approval and those big, red, flashing lights saying, “stop, you found the right one!” Sometimes they really don’t exist. Finding someone who makes you immensely happy and someone who loves you more than life itself is so important. Stop searching for unrealistic persons, there are flaws in every person and in every relationship. No marriage is perfect. Not a single one. Try not to compare your love stories with someone else’s. Try not to compare your own path with someone else’s. My path is different than yours. My destination at this given time is different than yours. Take your time. Love yourself. Be proud of your life and things will work out. They work out exactly how they are supposed to. Remember, they do not work out according to your plan.

 I think my biggest hope is that you might rethink your own situation. You are on a different path than everyone. Try not to plan your destiny. Let it happen. What you have done in your life has led you to this point. You will find your path to happiness. Don’t search too hard or you might get lost in confusion. Do not compare your life with others. I have done this so many times in my life and it really only leads to unhappiness. You can do this. Life is one giant roller coaster ride, and you cannot plan what is coming around the next bend. Just stay calm (maybe scream a few times), and enjoy the ride.


XOXO, Amber

Choose your love, love your choice

Labor Day Campout

There are few things that I love more than I love the mountains. Nothing seems to make me happier than sitting in the cool mountain air, and not worrying about all the dirt that is collecting on everything. There is just something about these Utah mountains that keeps me coming back for more!

This week I have been pretty dang sick with a nasty cold. I haven't had one for a very long time now, so I guess my time was due. I still can't seem to kick it, but I am heaps and bounds better than I was a few days ago. I really was tired of being cooped up in the house doing nothing on this fine Labor Day weekend. I missed a really awesome campout with my mom's family and I AM SO SAD. I really wanted to go, but I couldn't get myself to be okay with making anybody sick (and nobody wants to babysit our dog. I mean come on, she isn't that bad... the joys of puppy parenthood). Just seeing all of their fun pictures made me very envious. I hate that I don't ever have the time that I want and NEED to spend with my family. Someday, our lives will take us back to Weber/Davis county, and we cannot wait for all the family time we will get to have! I miss my peeps. 

Anyways, we finally decided that we would go camping for at least a night. We made our way up Alpine Loop and happened to find a more than perfect, private, large camping spot. I had the best time watching Zoey play with Bowser. I am so glad to see that she has a fun friend to play with. Really though, it was my favorite part of the trip. And I really can't get over how cute Bowser's face is. I'm a little obsessed. I am glad that Chris and Bowser came with us. We had lots of fun laughing and eating good campfire food! Prepare yourself for a million pictures. Trust me I wish I could make this into a collage of sorts, but I have no idea how (I will learn when I have a nice camera someday, I promise haha). 

We are all so tired, and we plan on sleeping the rest of the day away.

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XOXO, the Cissna's